Letters to The Queen
by AllytheVamp
Summary: Doyle's letter to Cordelia saying the things he never got time to say out-loud.


_Letter To the Queen_

Disclaimer: Joss owns these characters and if I did I wouldn't have to write this story...

Dedications: My friend Terra, who is always encouraging. Sorry if this story is too sappy. I'm a sucker for sap!

Spoilers: Hero & Parting Gifts

_Dear 'Delia_

_I like that name. It kinda suits you I think. Well, if you are reading this then I'm probably already gone. I had a feeling that this might happen. I mean usually I don't get visions of my own future, but I guess the PTB took at break from being bastards and let me know before-hand so I could write this to you. _

_I'm not good at expressing myself. Not really anyway. I never could with Harry. It really destroyed what we had, so I wanted to be straight with you. Since the first time I saw you I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. Like, I'll be on the way down to the pub for a drink and then I'll pass a store with some glamorous dress in the window and think how beautiful you'd look in it. Then I'll start thinking about your smile. I even crave the little cracks about my height and my accent and all that. I know you don't mean them 'Delia. At least I'm hoping you don't. _

_I guess you're rolling your eyes at this point. I mean what guy *hasn't* already told you how special you are? I just thought I should remind you. _

_You're really special 'Delia._

_I know that you don't think I'm your type and that we'll never get a chance because I'm going to die, but I want to give you everything. You deserve to live in a castle, far away from this hell that we call L.A, with servents to do everything for you. I want to mend all your broken hearts, keep you safe and see you smile at me everyday. I wish that I could have been there when your boyfriend back in Sunnytown or whatever broke your heart. Whenever I think that he could have possibly looked at anyone else before you, that he CHEATED on you, all I want to do is punish him. I don't know how you ever forgave him. I'm sorry about everything you had to go through. I promise that if we had gotten a chance I never would hurt you. _

_I guess I never made this clear huh? I tried to let you know. I never wanted to hurt you in anyway as soon as you looked at me. Even when you were being annoying which, let's face it, we all can be somtimes. But you made me laugh! Your so childlike, yet strong I can't believe my luck that I met you!_

_Don't worry about your acting alright? You'll get a big break and blow everyone away. I promise that. Even if I can't be here to see it. Angel will support you. Your like a daughter to him. He adores you, just as much as I do. Well, not half as much as I do..._

_Anyway, I only want to ask you one thing, don't forget me. I mean I know what I am. I'm not a very honorable guy, always drinkin' and gamblin' and all that, but I tried to be everything you wanted 'Delia. I never lost faith in you. Never will. Don't forget there was once a poor homely-lookin Irish man who would have given his life for you, ok?_

_Take care of Angel. He needs support and someone he can talk to. I know you can fit that bill better than I can. Angel's my buddy. Tell him that he'll atone for everything someday. I believe that! And thank him for having faith in me when I didn't have any for myself._

_I have to do this. This is what destiny calls for. Maybe it's a cowards way out...dying to make all the pain of what I did stop hurting me...but it's right 'Delia, I can feel it. This is what I have to do to atone for everything. Don't make the same mistakes I did ok? Don't turn your back cause your scared. Go through the pain, but know that there's always a light at the end of the darkness._

_'Delia you're my light._

_I love you, with everything I have. Don't forget that! _

_I'm sorry I never got a chance to tell you this to your face, but I would have given you anything. We could have given eachother everything we needed. I'll miss you! Don't worry 'Delia! You have people who love and care about you. You have so many reasons to live. _

_Live and learn, _

_just don't forget me._

_Always Yours,_

_Allen Francis Doyle_

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**FIN**

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